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BornToFly's Relationship Advice V.14
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DubiDo0


Joined: 08 Jun 2009
Posts: 400
PostPosted: Sat Nov 17, 2012 10:03 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

VikingsFan51 wrote:
So tonight I kind of majorly screwed up. So I wrote a couple of weeks ago about a girl that I had been talking to. Basically, I thought we had hit it off really well, but then she stopped talking to me and I thought that was it.

Fast forward to tonight: I was at the bars with some of my friends, and a pretty attractive girl comes onto me. As we were talking, she mentioned how she was waiting for her friends and etc. Of course, who is her friend? It's the girl I was crushing on a couple of weeks ago. At this point I'm fairly hammered, so I say goodbye to this girl and tell her to have a good night. The girl starts to kiss me, and we end up making out in front of the girl I had liked. I end up separating from her but later run into the girl I have a thing for. I noticed that she didn't look too happy, and here's how the conversation played out:

Me: "Hey, I notice you look kind of upset, are you OK?"
Her: "Well, I noticed that you were making out with my best friend."
Me: "Wait, she was your best friend? Oh [inappropriate/removed]. Look, I'm so sorry. If I knew she was your best friend I would not have even been talking to her."
Her: "Yeah but you knew that she and I at least knew each other but you still made out with her."
Me: "True, but I have two things to say to this: One, I'm hammered right now and I'm not thinking clearly. Two, I was under the impression that you weren't interested in me. When we hung out two weeks ago I was under the impression that we had hit things off really well--"
Her: "Yeah, I did too..."
Me: "OK then, but then why did you stop talking to me all of the sudden? I thought we had great chemistry."
Her: "Yeah we did, but right now I'm just not mentally ready to date somebody."
Me: "Look, [her name] I like you. I've liked you ever since we hung out two weeks ago. Even if you don't want to date right now, I'd still love to hang out with you and honestly, me making out with your friend was a huge mistake."
Her: "I believe you. You're a really nice guy and I think you're great but I'm not sure I'm ready for anything."
Me: "That's totally fine with me, but I at least think we should hang out before we decide that things can't work out."

And that was basically the end of the conversation. We were at the same bar for the rest of the night. She was sober and was her friends' DD (she actually told me "hey my friend [the girl I had hooked up with] is outside, maybe you should go talk to her?" I told her that I didn't want to talk to her friend and that I wanted to talk to her.) I ended up staying with my friends and after the conversation I didn't talk to a single girl.

Eventually, I sent her this text later in the night:
"[Girl's name] -- if there's even a 1% chance that things could work between you and I, I want to make every effort to make that work. I want to apologize for what happened tonight because I was operating under the assumption that things between us were hopeless. I have completely sobered up at this point and I regret what happened, and yet if there's even a 1% chance that things between us could work please let me know because I would make every effort to fight for that to happen. I made a terrible mistake tonight, but I'd hate to leave these regrets on the table."


I'm 90% sure she was asleep when I sent that last text.

I'm pretty sure that I messed up (even though I'd argue that I was a victim of just really, really unfortunate luck), but I got a vibe from this girl that leads me to be more optimistic than I would otherwise. What do you guys think? Obviously, right now the ball is in her court. There's not much more else I can do other than wait to see if I get a reaction. I guess my question is more about your
Thanks bros.



It's obvious the girl you like has very little interest in you. She's just making lame excuses to let you off easy, and you continue to make yourself look like a fool by telling her how amazing she is. She got mad because girls get jealous easily. She saw you giving her friend attention. She hated the fact you didn't give two craps she was there. She was furious because her friend was having a good time with you. She got pissy because she wants to be the center of your attention. She likes your attention, not so much you.

If you want any chance with this girl stop giving her attention and start moving on. She MIGHT chase you if you start dating another girl.
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NextBigThing


Joined: 26 Oct 2009
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PostPosted: Sat Nov 17, 2012 11:28 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Russell2Bailey wrote:
NextBigThing wrote:
Russell2Bailey wrote:
I think part of my problem is I don't have many friends, I don't go out much, or have much of a social life. I don't have ways of meeting people. Financially I'm great. This lonelyness is just overtaking me.


What are your hobbies and interests? What do you like to spend your free time doing?

#1 for a lot of people on message boards to make friends, to be frank, would be to post less on forums. Lack of social interaction would spur the type of outreach required.
I like football, my 2004 mustang cobra I've sunk half my life earnings into, and the modern day cinema. I do go on here too much. That's for sure. Other than that. Laughing


Ok, it sounds like you have some habits you are going to have to break. Do you get invited out to do much? I hope you say 'yes' just about everything. Are your courteous?

Trying to build a social live starts with you. You need to be friendly and polite to everybody: be courteous (hold the door for people behind you, say "hello" to anybody in your immediate presence for more than 2 seconds.

Get busy. Find things to do outside of people. Volunteer at an animal shelter. Try a new sport. Get busy. Have plans. You will meet people there, and you can invite people you know. Have something to say, but more importantly, be inquisitive. Not 20 questions creepy, but ask probing questions/ for specifics; people will find you interesting & a good listener; then offer your own insights on.

not everyone is inquisitive, so you may need to force your own opinion in there; if only to make it sound more like a conversation and less like you are interviewing them. Many, many people will good at talking about themselves or their own thoughts, but not overly good at asking questions. So don't take offense. Conversations should have several parts, though i no particular order: Do the basic introductory talk about yourself, asking questions/seeming interested about that; talking about other talking points, asking follow up questions, and giving your own opinion.

Be interested. Ask other people questions. Give your own opinions. The entire time, seem present, friendly, and happy to be listening or speaking. Laughter is the best way to connect with people, if they make a joke, be sure to acknowledge it in a positive way; if you can read their sense of humor, make your own as well.

These are habits you will have to force yourself to pick up, but once picked up, it will be easy and seem natural.

I am someone who feeds off crowds. I'm comfortable alone too, but in crowds, I get more energy; I get more confident than I already am; and it is very easy for me to be friendly/chatty with people around me. Not all the time, everyone has moments where they seem stuck in thought, but in general crowds make me calmer yet even more chatty than normal.

Not everyone is this way, but becoming friendly & polite will you get you in the habit of talking to new people, and expand your comfort zone. Getting busy will not only help you meet new people, but you can also use plans to strengthen new friendships. When you are doing this, be friendly, be inquisitive.

Being a good conversationist is a skill anyone can learn, and it is critical to acquiring a social life. It isnt everythng, but it is important.


Last edited by NextBigThing on Sun Nov 18, 2012 12:28 am; edited 2 times in total
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iPwn


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PostPosted: Sat Nov 17, 2012 11:40 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Solid advice NBT. I'll also throw clubs (like chess, politics, or whatever you're interested in. Though I suppose nightclubs would be a place too, more for the opposite sex though), sporting events, sports leagues (already mentioned, but worth another), the gym and stuff like that in there too.

Take risks emotionally. Put yourself out there (don't be a creep in the process) and find your niché.
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VikingsFan51


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PostPosted: Sun Nov 18, 2012 1:29 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

I definitely would not have reacted the way I did last night had I been completely sober. In hindsight it's one of those things that you move on from. As I said, it's not like she's my one true love or somebody I thought I'd be spending the rest of my life with her or something.

I think one of the hardest things to do is to transition between picking up girls at the bars and then finding a girl you actually want to date. I'm steadily finding that the two don't mix all that well.
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Dus10


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PostPosted: Sun Nov 18, 2012 3:47 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

VikingsFan51 wrote:
So tonight I kind of majorly screwed up. So I wrote a couple of weeks ago about a girl that I had been talking to. Basically, I thought we had hit it off really well, but then she stopped talking to me and I thought that was it.

Fast forward to tonight: I was at the bars with some of my friends, and a pretty attractive girl comes onto me. As we were talking, she mentioned how she was waiting for her friends and etc. Of course, who is her friend? It's the girl I was crushing on a couple of weeks ago. At this point I'm fairly hammered, so I say goodbye to this girl and tell her to have a good night. The girl starts to kiss me, and we end up making out in front of the girl I had liked. I end up separating from her but later run into the girl I have a thing for. I noticed that she didn't look too happy, and here's how the conversation played out:

Me: "Hey, I notice you look kind of upset, are you OK?"
Her: "Well, I noticed that you were making out with my best friend."
Me: "Wait, she was your best friend? Oh [inappropriate/removed]. Look, I'm so sorry. If I knew she was your best friend I would not have even been talking to her."
Her: "Yeah but you knew that she and I at least knew each other but you still made out with her."
Me: "True, but I have two things to say to this: One, I'm hammered right now and I'm not thinking clearly. Two, I was under the impression that you weren't interested in me. When we hung out two weeks ago I was under the impression that we had hit things off really well--"
Her: "Yeah, I did too..."
Me: "OK then, but then why did you stop talking to me all of the sudden? I thought we had great chemistry."
Her: "Yeah we did, but right now I'm just not mentally ready to date somebody."
Me: "Look, [her name] I like you. I've liked you ever since we hung out two weeks ago. Even if you don't want to date right now, I'd still love to hang out with you and honestly, me making out with your friend was a huge mistake."
Her: "I believe you. You're a really nice guy and I think you're great but I'm not sure I'm ready for anything."
Me: "That's totally fine with me, but I at least think we should hang out before we decide that things can't work out."

And that was basically the end of the conversation. We were at the same bar for the rest of the night. She was sober and was her friends' DD (she actually told me "hey my friend [the girl I had hooked up with] is outside, maybe you should go talk to her?" I told her that I didn't want to talk to her friend and that I wanted to talk to her.) I ended up staying with my friends and after the conversation I didn't talk to a single girl.

Eventually, I sent her this text later in the night:
"[Girl's name] -- if there's even a 1% chance that things could work between you and I, I want to make every effort to make that work. I want to apologize for what happened tonight because I was operating under the assumption that things between us were hopeless. I have completely sobered up at this point and I regret what happened, and yet if there's even a 1% chance that things between us could work please let me know because I would make every effort to fight for that to happen. I made a terrible mistake tonight, but I'd hate to leave these regrets on the table."


I'm 90% sure she was asleep when I sent that last text.

I'm pretty sure that I messed up (even though I'd argue that I was a victim of just really, really unfortunate luck), but I got a vibe from this girl that leads me to be more optimistic than I would otherwise. What do you guys think? Obviously, right now the ball is in her court. There's not much more else I can do other than wait to see if I get a reaction. I guess my question is more about your reaction to what happened and if you guys are nearly as optimistic as I am.

Thanks bros.

I'm going to go ahead and give you a glimpse of what a relationship with that girl is going to be like:

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Superman(DH23)


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PostPosted: Sun Nov 18, 2012 6:42 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

^^^^^^^^
LOL I have literally had that convo w/ my ex wife.
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ramsgoooo


Joined: 21 Sep 2007
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PostPosted: Sun Nov 18, 2012 8:43 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

BrettWolfe wrote:
BornToFly wrote:
BrettWolfe wrote:
BrettWolfe wrote:
Here's a background of this girl I've been talking to, and I need some help with this one:

We both go to Ohio State and I met her through my roommate, who has an ASL class together with her roommate. Her roommate invited my roommate and I to a party they were having, and she introduced me to her roommate, who is this girl I'be gonna explain about. We didn't really talk at the party, just kinda did our own thing and what not. I thought she was cute at the start, but didn't see anything happening. When I told her my name, she thought it was "bryan". So i was off to a good start....

My roommate and I ended up going to their house again one night so he could talk to his friend from class, and she was there. Again, no one on one communication. But like 2 weeks later, my roommate txted me and said the girl thought i was cute and all that stuff. So i added her on facebook and we've been talking. Everytime she wants to hang out, it's at this bar, which i love to drink, but thats besides the point, and she always wants to have my roommate there and her roommate there. like a group hangout. I want to see if she could be serious relationship material, since she's a nice girl and doesn't do one night stands, which i could care less anyways.

So I asked her out yesterday and said "are you interested in hanging out wit me, just us 2? like a movie, dinner thing?" and she said "yeah, thatd be nice Very Happy" So we have a date planned for next tuesday to go to dinner at this mexican restaurant and then go see a movie. But again, we've havent said more than 10 words to eachother in person, so idk how this is going to go. All the first dates I've been on have been with girls I've known and talked to before and hung out extensively before a date. So this could be considered like a "blind date" of sorts.

What are things to talk about? I don't want the conversation to hit the awkward silence phase and don't want to ask boring questions. Any first moves to show I'm interested that would not put her off? How do you tell if she's vibing with me? Again, all the girls I've gone out with before I already knew they liked me and I knew about them. Scary things man


Update for the people who care lol:

So like i wrote before, I went on a date to dinner with this girl last tuesday and i think it went well. She laughed, we chatted, and ended the date with a hug, not really knowing her interest. So like people wrote, I decided to sack up and start initiating the txt messaging more and asked her out again.

She said "okie Smile" which I guess is how she writes ok, but in a cute way. So we decided to go to see paranormal activity 4 tomorrow. (i know its been out for awhile and I've seen it, but she hasn't and wants to go) I really like this girl, but the vibe of her texting is that she's really short on txts and doesn't keep the conversation moving, so I have to do that. She drunk texted me last night, saying exactly "What're you goto Friday?" I asked her what the hell that meant and she was like "idk haha". so I was on her mind when she was drunk, so I THINK that's good.

I DO plan to go for the kiss after the date, but obviously its hard to get rejected when you put it out there. But I'll man up and show my true intentions, which is to date her. She had a serious boyfriend and it seems like they've been broken up for a while, so she's probably over him, hopefully.

How do I gauge her interest in a relationship? I'd like to put it out there that I'm looking for one, but don't want to come off so strong quickly. If she wants to be friends, then I'll move on, but still be friends I guess.


I think sometimes, you just gotta put yourself out there and ask. If she isn't feeling the same, just chalk it up to the chemistry not being right, no more no less. Act as if it's not a big deal, you just wanted her to know how you were feeling. That's the easiest way to gauge her interest. Otherwise, look for clues, flirtatious texts, or if she wants to keep texting you even after you think the convo is done, her demeanor while she is with you, is she getting in real close by you while walking, playing with her nervously, etc. Honestly though, if she is going to a movie with you, there is at least a little nit of interest. How did it go?


Instead of actually going out on a movie date, we decided for her to come to my house and watch a movie since my roommates were leaving later to go see Twilight (with their dates) and the girl had a test in the am, so couldn't stay out long. So I meet her halfway between my house and her apartment (remember we live right by campus so walking isn't a bad means of going places).

We come back and I walk into the house wit all the lights off, 3 candles lit, and a keith urban love song playing Laughing I had no idea my roommates would do that, so i was caught off guard and whatever. so we watched a movie wit my roommates and they left after maybe a half hour. Pretty much, the date was all watching a movie and talking, being goofy (mostly me, b/c that's who i am), and laughing. It was late, so I decided to drive her home and figured I would walk her to her apartment and then go in for the kiss.

I pull up and she pretty much says "thanx for the ride and I'll ttyl" and jumps out. I was like "ummm ok" haha. So i txted her yesterday saying I had a good time and I enjoy hanging out with her. She agreed and plans to come over tonight for another movie.

TODAY, boys and girls, is when I will be major aggressive and go for the kiss and try to establish where we are at. Its a 3rd date, and if you haven't kissed a girl after then, congratulations, you just made a new friend!

Also, I guessed she told her roommate about the candle thing and said I blushed and stuff and the roommate brought it up in her American Sign Language class where my roommate is also in. Just a footnote.


So what happened??
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BrettWolfe


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PostPosted: Sun Nov 18, 2012 8:54 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

ramsgoooo wrote:
BrettWolfe wrote:
BornToFly wrote:
BrettWolfe wrote:
BrettWolfe wrote:
Here's a background of this girl I've been talking to, and I need some help with this one:

We both go to Ohio State and I met her through my roommate, who has an ASL class together with her roommate. Her roommate invited my roommate and I to a party they were having, and she introduced me to her roommate, who is this girl I'be gonna explain about. We didn't really talk at the party, just kinda did our own thing and what not. I thought she was cute at the start, but didn't see anything happening. When I told her my name, she thought it was "bryan". So i was off to a good start....

My roommate and I ended up going to their house again one night so he could talk to his friend from class, and she was there. Again, no one on one communication. But like 2 weeks later, my roommate txted me and said the girl thought i was cute and all that stuff. So i added her on facebook and we've been talking. Everytime she wants to hang out, it's at this bar, which i love to drink, but thats besides the point, and she always wants to have my roommate there and her roommate there. like a group hangout. I want to see if she could be serious relationship material, since she's a nice girl and doesn't do one night stands, which i could care less anyways.

So I asked her out yesterday and said "are you interested in hanging out wit me, just us 2? like a movie, dinner thing?" and she said "yeah, thatd be nice Very Happy" So we have a date planned for next tuesday to go to dinner at this mexican restaurant and then go see a movie. But again, we've havent said more than 10 words to eachother in person, so idk how this is going to go. All the first dates I've been on have been with girls I've known and talked to before and hung out extensively before a date. So this could be considered like a "blind date" of sorts.

What are things to talk about? I don't want the conversation to hit the awkward silence phase and don't want to ask boring questions. Any first moves to show I'm interested that would not put her off? How do you tell if she's vibing with me? Again, all the girls I've gone out with before I already knew they liked me and I knew about them. Scary things man


Update for the people who care lol:

So like i wrote before, I went on a date to dinner with this girl last tuesday and i think it went well. She laughed, we chatted, and ended the date with a hug, not really knowing her interest. So like people wrote, I decided to sack up and start initiating the txt messaging more and asked her out again.

She said "okie Smile" which I guess is how she writes ok, but in a cute way. So we decided to go to see paranormal activity 4 tomorrow. (i know its been out for awhile and I've seen it, but she hasn't and wants to go) I really like this girl, but the vibe of her texting is that she's really short on txts and doesn't keep the conversation moving, so I have to do that. She drunk texted me last night, saying exactly "What're you goto Friday?" I asked her what the hell that meant and she was like "idk haha". so I was on her mind when she was drunk, so I THINK that's good.

I DO plan to go for the kiss after the date, but obviously its hard to get rejected when you put it out there. But I'll man up and show my true intentions, which is to date her. She had a serious boyfriend and it seems like they've been broken up for a while, so she's probably over him, hopefully.

How do I gauge her interest in a relationship? I'd like to put it out there that I'm looking for one, but don't want to come off so strong quickly. If she wants to be friends, then I'll move on, but still be friends I guess.


I think sometimes, you just gotta put yourself out there and ask. If she isn't feeling the same, just chalk it up to the chemistry not being right, no more no less. Act as if it's not a big deal, you just wanted her to know how you were feeling. That's the easiest way to gauge her interest. Otherwise, look for clues, flirtatious texts, or if she wants to keep texting you even after you think the convo is done, her demeanor while she is with you, is she getting in real close by you while walking, playing with her nervously, etc. Honestly though, if she is going to a movie with you, there is at least a little nit of interest. How did it go?


Instead of actually going out on a movie date, we decided for her to come to my house and watch a movie since my roommates were leaving later to go see Twilight (with their dates) and the girl had a test in the am, so couldn't stay out long. So I meet her halfway between my house and her apartment (remember we live right by campus so walking isn't a bad means of going places).

We come back and I walk into the house wit all the lights off, 3 candles lit, and a keith urban love song playing Laughing I had no idea my roommates would do that, so i was caught off guard and whatever. so we watched a movie wit my roommates and they left after maybe a half hour. Pretty much, the date was all watching a movie and talking, being goofy (mostly me, b/c that's who i am), and laughing. It was late, so I decided to drive her home and figured I would walk her to her apartment and then go in for the kiss.

I pull up and she pretty much says "thanx for the ride and I'll ttyl" and jumps out. I was like "ummm ok" haha. So i txted her yesterday saying I had a good time and I enjoy hanging out with her. She agreed and plans to come over tonight for another movie.

TODAY, boys and girls, is when I will be major aggressive and go for the kiss and try to establish where we are at. Its a 3rd date, and if you haven't kissed a girl after then, congratulations, you just made a new friend!

Also, I guessed she told her roommate about the candle thing and said I blushed and stuff and the roommate brought it up in her American Sign Language class where my roommate is also in. Just a footnote.


So what happened??


She pretty much blew me off. I txted her to hang out with me in the morning or afternoon and said she wanted to sleep. she txted me later and said she was up, then I said "so we still on for tonight?" she said I think and said she was going to the zoo at 8. I knew this wasnt gonna be good.

So I waited, and waited, and waited and about 1230, I was laying in bed and she txted me saying that they just got home and she was going to bed. I said "ya me 2" and she txted back and apologized for being tired and stuff and blah blah blah.I said "nbd, perhaps another day" and she said her usual "okie Smile" Needless to say, we haven't talked all day.

I really do like her, and I think she vibes with me, but she said the night b4, which was friday, that she didn't have plans on saturday, but then somehow the zoo thing pops up? She comes off as a girl who is very nice and doesn't want to hurt anyone's feelings, but I mean, come on.

I wanna give her the benefit of the doubt, but I'm stuck now on what to do. I figure I'll try again...
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PostPosted: Sun Nov 18, 2012 9:06 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

BrettWolfe wrote:
ramsgoooo wrote:
BrettWolfe wrote:
BornToFly wrote:
BrettWolfe wrote:
BrettWolfe wrote:
Here's a background of this girl I've been talking to, and I need some help with this one:

We both go to Ohio State and I met her through my roommate, who has an ASL class together with her roommate. Her roommate invited my roommate and I to a party they were having, and she introduced me to her roommate, who is this girl I'be gonna explain about. We didn't really talk at the party, just kinda did our own thing and what not. I thought she was cute at the start, but didn't see anything happening. When I told her my name, she thought it was "bryan". So i was off to a good start....

My roommate and I ended up going to their house again one night so he could talk to his friend from class, and she was there. Again, no one on one communication. But like 2 weeks later, my roommate txted me and said the girl thought i was cute and all that stuff. So i added her on facebook and we've been talking. Everytime she wants to hang out, it's at this bar, which i love to drink, but thats besides the point, and she always wants to have my roommate there and her roommate there. like a group hangout. I want to see if she could be serious relationship material, since she's a nice girl and doesn't do one night stands, which i could care less anyways.

So I asked her out yesterday and said "are you interested in hanging out wit me, just us 2? like a movie, dinner thing?" and she said "yeah, thatd be nice Very Happy" So we have a date planned for next tuesday to go to dinner at this mexican restaurant and then go see a movie. But again, we've havent said more than 10 words to eachother in person, so idk how this is going to go. All the first dates I've been on have been with girls I've known and talked to before and hung out extensively before a date. So this could be considered like a "blind date" of sorts.

What are things to talk about? I don't want the conversation to hit the awkward silence phase and don't want to ask boring questions. Any first moves to show I'm interested that would not put her off? How do you tell if she's vibing with me? Again, all the girls I've gone out with before I already knew they liked me and I knew about them. Scary things man


Update for the people who care lol:

So like i wrote before, I went on a date to dinner with this girl last tuesday and i think it went well. She laughed, we chatted, and ended the date with a hug, not really knowing her interest. So like people wrote, I decided to sack up and start initiating the txt messaging more and asked her out again.

She said "okie Smile" which I guess is how she writes ok, but in a cute way. So we decided to go to see paranormal activity 4 tomorrow. (i know its been out for awhile and I've seen it, but she hasn't and wants to go) I really like this girl, but the vibe of her texting is that she's really short on txts and doesn't keep the conversation moving, so I have to do that. She drunk texted me last night, saying exactly "What're you goto Friday?" I asked her what the hell that meant and she was like "idk haha". so I was on her mind when she was drunk, so I THINK that's good.

I DO plan to go for the kiss after the date, but obviously its hard to get rejected when you put it out there. But I'll man up and show my true intentions, which is to date her. She had a serious boyfriend and it seems like they've been broken up for a while, so she's probably over him, hopefully.

How do I gauge her interest in a relationship? I'd like to put it out there that I'm looking for one, but don't want to come off so strong quickly. If she wants to be friends, then I'll move on, but still be friends I guess.


I think sometimes, you just gotta put yourself out there and ask. If she isn't feeling the same, just chalk it up to the chemistry not being right, no more no less. Act as if it's not a big deal, you just wanted her to know how you were feeling. That's the easiest way to gauge her interest. Otherwise, look for clues, flirtatious texts, or if she wants to keep texting you even after you think the convo is done, her demeanor while she is with you, is she getting in real close by you while walking, playing with her nervously, etc. Honestly though, if she is going to a movie with you, there is at least a little nit of interest. How did it go?


Instead of actually going out on a movie date, we decided for her to come to my house and watch a movie since my roommates were leaving later to go see Twilight (with their dates) and the girl had a test in the am, so couldn't stay out long. So I meet her halfway between my house and her apartment (remember we live right by campus so walking isn't a bad means of going places).

We come back and I walk into the house wit all the lights off, 3 candles lit, and a keith urban love song playing Laughing I had no idea my roommates would do that, so i was caught off guard and whatever. so we watched a movie wit my roommates and they left after maybe a half hour. Pretty much, the date was all watching a movie and talking, being goofy (mostly me, b/c that's who i am), and laughing. It was late, so I decided to drive her home and figured I would walk her to her apartment and then go in for the kiss.

I pull up and she pretty much says "thanx for the ride and I'll ttyl" and jumps out. I was like "ummm ok" haha. So i txted her yesterday saying I had a good time and I enjoy hanging out with her. She agreed and plans to come over tonight for another movie.

TODAY, boys and girls, is when I will be major aggressive and go for the kiss and try to establish where we are at. Its a 3rd date, and if you haven't kissed a girl after then, congratulations, you just made a new friend!

Also, I guessed she told her roommate about the candle thing and said I blushed and stuff and the roommate brought it up in her American Sign Language class where my roommate is also in. Just a footnote.


So what happened??


She pretty much blew me off. I txted her to hang out with me in the morning or afternoon and said she wanted to sleep. she txted me later and said she was up, then I said "so we still on for tonight?" she said I think and said she was going to the zoo at 8. I knew this wasnt gonna be good.

So I waited, and waited, and waited and about 1230, I was laying in bed and she txted me saying that they just got home and she was going to bed. I said "ya me 2" and she txted back and apologized for being tired and stuff and blah blah blah.I said "nbd, perhaps another day" and she said her usual "okie Smile" Needless to say, we haven't talked all day.

I really do like her, and I think she vibes with me, but she said the night b4, which was friday, that she didn't have plans on saturday, but then somehow the zoo thing pops up? She comes off as a girl who is very nice and doesn't want to hurt anyone's feelings, but I mean, come on.

I wanna give her the benefit of the doubt, but I'm stuck now on what to do. I figure I'll try again...


i would just text her something like "xxx, i've had a lot of fun with you the past month and really like you and was wondering if you felt the same way" etc. sort of awkward, but at least this way you know for sure. you could ask her in person but then she might be pressured to react a certain way. whatever feels best.
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Troy Brown


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PostPosted: Mon Nov 19, 2012 7:35 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

LOL @ that roommate stuff. I think you play it cool. Just in my experience, when a girl feels she has the upper hand, she loses interest. It's all about the hand. She obviously knows you're into her by the roommate stuff and the texting, and I know plenty of short texting girls. Maybe she's just a shy girl. I know plenty of those, too. I went on 5 dates with this one girl, we texted all the time and talked online and I think 3 of them were one on one dates... and it took me until the sixth time we hung out to go in for the kiss. She asked me what took me so long and I was like Yo, you're a hard girl to read. And she said no, you're just stupid. I said NO, IM A GENTLEMAN.

Just be patient with her and give it more time before you go the spilled guts route. It's good to get things in the open but it's good to let things take their natural courses, as well. You want her to think you're interested in her but you've got other things going on too.

Her texting you while drunk is a good thing, though.
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NCOUGHMAN


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Location: Stockton via East Palo Alto
PostPosted: Mon Nov 19, 2012 2:56 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Russell2Bailey wrote:
NextBigThing wrote:
Russell2Bailey wrote:
I think part of my problem is I don't have many friends, I don't go out much, or have much of a social life. I don't have ways of meeting people. Financially I'm great. This lonelyness is just overtaking me.


What are your hobbies and interests? What do you like to spend your free time doing?

#1 for a lot of people on message boards to make friends, to be frank, would be to post less on forums. Lack of social interaction would spur the type of outreach required.
I like football, my 2004 mustang cobra I've sunk half my life earnings into, and the modern day cinema. I do go on here too much. That's for sure. Other than that. Laughing


that really all you need lol. kinda reminds me of my friend who sucks at picking up chicks but he has a bad a camero and a 6 pack. i used to tell him all the time that he doesnt even have to talk all he has to do is roll up on a chick hop out and flash the 6 pack Laughing if i had a mero and a 6 pack thats what id do. but i have a buick and a keg Laughing
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NCOUGHMAN


Joined: 25 Mar 2008
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PostPosted: Mon Nov 19, 2012 3:13 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

BornToFly wrote:
NCOUGHMAN wrote:
dam just had the official breakup conversation. i sware from age 19-31 it still hurts the same. but when one door closes 3-4 usually open.


Sorry to hear that NC....but you have the right attitude about it going forward. Just take some time for yourself. No need to rush into anything.


lol too late went on my first date on sat. it was cool and simple just met for lunch then had coffee after and talked (she even offered to pay or go dutch **thats rare in my book**), even grabbed my arm like a real lady does when we walked to the place. she lives about 10min from me, is hella cool and drinks and smokes jus like me. she invited me to come over on tues cause we're both off for the rest of the week and our kids are spending time at our moms house. so far so good. funny thing she got up to use the bathroom and i was checkin her out, she turned around, caught me lookin then smiled and left her phone on the table. Laughing
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NCOUGHMAN


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PostPosted: Mon Nov 19, 2012 3:15 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Troy Brown wrote:
LOL @ that roommate stuff. I think you play it cool. Just in my experience, when a girl feels she has the upper hand, she loses interest. It's all about the hand. She obviously knows you're into her by the roommate stuff and the texting, and I know plenty of short texting girls. Maybe she's just a shy girl. I know plenty of those, too. I went on 5 dates with this one girl, we texted all the time and talked online and I think 3 of them were one on one dates... and it took me until the sixth time we hung out to go in for the kiss. She asked me what took me so long and I was like Yo, you're a hard girl to read. And she said no, you're just stupid. I said NO, IM A GENTLEMAN.

Just be patient with her and give it more time before you go the spilled guts route. It's good to get things in the open but it's good to let things take their natural courses, as well. You want her to think you're interested in her but you've got other things going on too.

Her texting you while drunk is a good thing, though.


yea i always let the chick make the first move that way you dont look like a horn dogg. they can get away with it more than we can.
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ramsgoooo


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PostPosted: Mon Nov 19, 2012 3:27 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

BrettWolfe wrote:
ramsgoooo wrote:
BrettWolfe wrote:
BornToFly wrote:
BrettWolfe wrote:
BrettWolfe wrote:
Here's a background of this girl I've been talking to, and I need some help with this one:

We both go to Ohio State and I met her through my roommate, who has an ASL class together with her roommate. Her roommate invited my roommate and I to a party they were having, and she introduced me to her roommate, who is this girl I'be gonna explain about. We didn't really talk at the party, just kinda did our own thing and what not. I thought she was cute at the start, but didn't see anything happening. When I told her my name, she thought it was "bryan". So i was off to a good start....

My roommate and I ended up going to their house again one night so he could talk to his friend from class, and she was there. Again, no one on one communication. But like 2 weeks later, my roommate txted me and said the girl thought i was cute and all that stuff. So i added her on facebook and we've been talking. Everytime she wants to hang out, it's at this bar, which i love to drink, but thats besides the point, and she always wants to have my roommate there and her roommate there. like a group hangout. I want to see if she could be serious relationship material, since she's a nice girl and doesn't do one night stands, which i could care less anyways.

So I asked her out yesterday and said "are you interested in hanging out wit me, just us 2? like a movie, dinner thing?" and she said "yeah, thatd be nice Very Happy" So we have a date planned for next tuesday to go to dinner at this mexican restaurant and then go see a movie. But again, we've havent said more than 10 words to eachother in person, so idk how this is going to go. All the first dates I've been on have been with girls I've known and talked to before and hung out extensively before a date. So this could be considered like a "blind date" of sorts.

What are things to talk about? I don't want the conversation to hit the awkward silence phase and don't want to ask boring questions. Any first moves to show I'm interested that would not put her off? How do you tell if she's vibing with me? Again, all the girls I've gone out with before I already knew they liked me and I knew about them. Scary things man


Update for the people who care lol:

So like i wrote before, I went on a date to dinner with this girl last tuesday and i think it went well. She laughed, we chatted, and ended the date with a hug, not really knowing her interest. So like people wrote, I decided to sack up and start initiating the txt messaging more and asked her out again.

She said "okie Smile" which I guess is how she writes ok, but in a cute way. So we decided to go to see paranormal activity 4 tomorrow. (i know its been out for awhile and I've seen it, but she hasn't and wants to go) I really like this girl, but the vibe of her texting is that she's really short on txts and doesn't keep the conversation moving, so I have to do that. She drunk texted me last night, saying exactly "What're you goto Friday?" I asked her what the hell that meant and she was like "idk haha". so I was on her mind when she was drunk, so I THINK that's good.

I DO plan to go for the kiss after the date, but obviously its hard to get rejected when you put it out there. But I'll man up and show my true intentions, which is to date her. She had a serious boyfriend and it seems like they've been broken up for a while, so she's probably over him, hopefully.

How do I gauge her interest in a relationship? I'd like to put it out there that I'm looking for one, but don't want to come off so strong quickly. If she wants to be friends, then I'll move on, but still be friends I guess.


I think sometimes, you just gotta put yourself out there and ask. If she isn't feeling the same, just chalk it up to the chemistry not being right, no more no less. Act as if it's not a big deal, you just wanted her to know how you were feeling. That's the easiest way to gauge her interest. Otherwise, look for clues, flirtatious texts, or if she wants to keep texting you even after you think the convo is done, her demeanor while she is with you, is she getting in real close by you while walking, playing with her nervously, etc. Honestly though, if she is going to a movie with you, there is at least a little nit of interest. How did it go?


Instead of actually going out on a movie date, we decided for her to come to my house and watch a movie since my roommates were leaving later to go see Twilight (with their dates) and the girl had a test in the am, so couldn't stay out long. So I meet her halfway between my house and her apartment (remember we live right by campus so walking isn't a bad means of going places).

We come back and I walk into the house wit all the lights off, 3 candles lit, and a keith urban love song playing Laughing I had no idea my roommates would do that, so i was caught off guard and whatever. so we watched a movie wit my roommates and they left after maybe a half hour. Pretty much, the date was all watching a movie and talking, being goofy (mostly me, b/c that's who i am), and laughing. It was late, so I decided to drive her home and figured I would walk her to her apartment and then go in for the kiss.

I pull up and she pretty much says "thanx for the ride and I'll ttyl" and jumps out. I was like "ummm ok" haha. So i txted her yesterday saying I had a good time and I enjoy hanging out with her. She agreed and plans to come over tonight for another movie.

TODAY, boys and girls, is when I will be major aggressive and go for the kiss and try to establish where we are at. Its a 3rd date, and if you haven't kissed a girl after then, congratulations, you just made a new friend!

Also, I guessed she told her roommate about the candle thing and said I blushed and stuff and the roommate brought it up in her American Sign Language class where my roommate is also in. Just a footnote.


So what happened??


She pretty much blew me off. I txted her to hang out with me in the morning or afternoon and said she wanted to sleep. she txted me later and said she was up, then I said "so we still on for tonight?" she said I think and said she was going to the zoo at 8. I knew this wasnt gonna be good.

So I waited, and waited, and waited and about 1230, I was laying in bed and she txted me saying that they just got home and she was going to bed. I said "ya me 2" and she txted back and apologized for being tired and stuff and blah blah blah.I said "nbd, perhaps another day" and she said her usual "okie Smile" Needless to say, we haven't talked all day.

I really do like her, and I think she vibes with me, but she said the night b4, which was friday, that she didn't have plans on saturday, but then somehow the zoo thing pops up? She comes off as a girl who is very nice and doesn't want to hurt anyone's feelings, but I mean, come on.

I wanna give her the benefit of the doubt, but I'm stuck now on what to do. I figure I'll try again...
things do
Happen maybe the zoo thing did just pop up. What'd I say is wait a couple of days and text her. And then next time you hangout try to just kiss her and see where it goes. Just don't expect anything, I would probaly
Wait for her to text me, but if
You need closure, like I said text her in a couple of days. And try to hangout then make a move
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ProudDolphan47


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PostPosted: Mon Nov 19, 2012 4:00 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Why do women have absolutely zero sense attached to them?
Women = the most confusing things on the planet.

The following has all taken place within the last 2 weeks...

I had an old flame message me and start talking about, of all things...Dolphins football. Next thing I know, I have her number and we've been bantering back and forth. Totally out of the blue. (She's involved with someone...go figure.)

Last weekend I had a woman come up to me at the bar and tell me I looked "JUST LIKE KEVIN BACON!" And proceeded to cling to me all night. She was a smoke show. She gave me her number, Facebook'd me, we chatted for 3 days and after our plan to hang out fell through, she stopped texting me. And I'm not about to chase you, sorry girl.

THIS weekend I went to a club with a friend, and we met a mutual friend from high school who had some girlfriends over. And we both hit it off with one of the girls. This girl, likewise, was a total smoke show. She gives me her number, Facebook'd me...and yet 2 days later she has yet to respond to my text message. Again, I'm not about to chase you, sorry girl.

And the same night, another old flame, who is currently in a relationship, texted me and told me she was at the same place I was at. 5 times she texted me, and 5 times I didn't bother to respond because I was busy talking to the other girl. Yet as soon as the other girl went to the bathroom, this old flame came up to me and talked to me for about 20 minutes. In passing, telling me about how she's been...she starts badmouthing her BF. And the next day, she texted me NON-STOP.

So why is it that the only girl I saw the past 2 weekends at a bar/club that is bothering to put an honest effort in for a conversation is the one that is currently involved? Oh, and by the way, she too...is a total smoke show.

(PS. I'm not just tooting my horn with the 'smoke show' stuff...but if you're not familiar with my background story, I had an engagement break off about 4 months ago and am just getting back into the game...so my confidence is coming back pretty strong!)
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