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BornToFly's Relationship Advice V.14
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BornToFly


Joined: 08 Jan 2006
Posts: 12253
Location: SE Wisconsin
PostPosted: Wed Oct 31, 2012 5:23 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Quote:
playmaker8267: - Hooked up with a girl twice in the past month or so, the most recent time being Friday night.
- I don't have feelings for her nor do I see the potential to have feelings for her, so I'm apparently fairly smooth around her because there's no pressure.
- She texts me out of the blue today (we usually don't text unless it's a "hey.. what are you up to this weekend?" kind of deal) saying we should hang out sometime when we're both not drunk.

Am I a complete narcissist for thinking she's into me? I don't want to be in a relationship right now. If she is into me, how do I let her know? Do I hang out with her?



Just based on this, I'd say she very well could be into you. I'd be up front about you not wanting anything serious, as so it doesn't lead her on. Depending on what her answer is to that, is the answer as to weather you should hang out with her or not.
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BornToFly


Joined: 08 Jan 2006
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Location: SE Wisconsin
PostPosted: Wed Oct 31, 2012 5:26 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Quote:
NCOUGHMAN: naw i mean for example. i am in a relationship and things are good. in the back of my head though im thinking if things would be better with that chick i saw at the store, a long lost flame that i just met again on facebook or the ex who just figured out that you are a god.

you're just insatiable and you dont want to settle for a lesser chick when you think you can have better chick.


I don't know for certain, but I think this could be some fairly normal feeling of wonder of the unknown. But deep down, you should know if you want to be with your girlfriend or really want to see what else might be out there. The grass may appear greener on the other side, but it rarely is.
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BornToFly


Joined: 08 Jan 2006
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Location: SE Wisconsin
PostPosted: Wed Oct 31, 2012 5:32 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Quote:
VikingsFan51: guys i've been freaking about this for no reason and i feel like i need some confirmation just to keep myself sane..
here's the situation:
1. we met on friday night at a party and i got her number. we texted for awhile and i got tons of good signs (ex., she said that she "knew what she liked" when we were talking about how she was texting me.)
2. we met up on saturday, had a couple drinks, and talked for a while. IMO things went really really well.
3. i walked her to her car, but before she got in i asked her if she was OK to drive. she said she wanted to nap for an hour or so first so i said she could take a nap at my house.
4. she goes back to my house and naps for an hour or so.
5. i walk her back to her car, give her a hug, we kiss, and then she leaves.
6. ever since then we've a couple of times, but nothing major.
7. now what?


to clarify on no.6 -- i texted her at 9:19 PST on Sunday, and so far she never responded. I made some comment to her that wasn't addressed as a question and it was never answered. so i decided to wait a day (all day monday) before asking her out on Tuesday. I am thinking to initiate small-talk before asking her out (hopefully we'll see each other on Hallloween at the local bars) for sometime within the next 5 days. I suggested minigolf, but some of my friends suggested a lunch or movie. Your thoughts?


I'd maybe send one more text to someone who hasn't responded to one of mine, but that would be it. I'm not sure why she wouldn't text you back right away. Just seems odd. Have you guys talked since you wrote this?
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BornToFly


Joined: 08 Jan 2006
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PostPosted: Wed Oct 31, 2012 5:37 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Quote:
Buccaneer4life: What do you guys think of goin to lunch on a first date? Im thinking something very casual not so fancy. Kinda like Moes, or Five Guys somewhere along the lines of that. And do you think just a quick lunch date that lasts maybe an hour tops is a good first date idea, and is it "long enough" for a first date I guess you could say? I know some of you have said just go for a walk in the park or something but that doesnt seem like my style. And I dont wana put to much effort into it by going somewhere extravagent on a first date. Im prob way overthinking it but what do you think of just a casual lunch date?


I think the more casual the better for a first date. I don't know if I'd do as casual as Five Guys, but maybe like a Noodles & Co, or Panera or something? IDK. If you both really dig Five Guys tho, go for it.
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BornToFly


Joined: 08 Jan 2006
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PostPosted: Wed Oct 31, 2012 5:41 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Quote:
fretgod99: Overly romantic, fairy tale notions of love don't really work in the real world.

And if you're basing an ideal match primarily off of physical characteristics, you're going to be disappointed in about ten years. And she will be, too.



^^

Absolutely Fret!!
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BornToFly


Joined: 08 Jan 2006
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PostPosted: Wed Oct 31, 2012 5:46 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Quote:
animaltested: Just got back from the second hang out with the Korean girl. Just like last te dinner was wee bit quiet due to he language barrier. But once we got to drinks it was a lot of conversation and laughing. I think she is just shy speaking English. This might be more of a friendship type of deal, which I'm cool with. Third hangout will be the gauge I assume.


Thanks for the update. I hope it continues to go well.
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BornToFly


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PostPosted: Wed Oct 31, 2012 5:48 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Quote:
CWood21: Thanks. Talked to her a bit today, mentioned that I was planning on going to an away game for our school and she seemed pretty excited that I was going there, and then she said she was studying for a test tomorrow and it wasn't short messages either so I'd have to imagine those are good signs? And then when I told her I'd let her study, she responded with an "okay".

I bumped into a mutual friend of ours, and she said she was "pretty excited" about going to our semi-formal.


Thanks great! When is it?
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BornToFly


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PostPosted: Wed Oct 31, 2012 5:51 pm    Post subject: Re: BornToFly's Relationship Advice V.14 Reply with quote

CWood21 wrote:
BornToFly wrote:
I want to thank everyone who helps make this thread a success over the years. I really appreciate it. So hard to believe another thread is on it's way. Smile


Thank you for all the help you've provided over the years.


NCOUGHMAN wrote:
physical attraction has to be solid imo for a relationship to work.


Naturally there has to be some level of physical attraction. When you see a girl across the room at a bar, what's the first thing you see? I'll give you a hint, it's not her personality. I'm a big sucker for eyes/smile.


Thank you CWood. Smile

and I agree with the whole physical attraction aspect of a relationship. But I have had countless times where once I got to know someone a little better, they become more attractive to me, even though their looks did not change at all.
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NCOUGHMAN


Joined: 25 Mar 2008
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PostPosted: Wed Oct 31, 2012 5:58 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Superman(DH23) wrote:
NCOUGHMAN wrote:
JohnChimpo wrote:
True, but you're obviously attracted to her anyway though since you're already dating, right?

Or did you just settle for the first thing that came along after your busty ex dumped you? Wink


i thought about this idea all night.
Here's the ? I have to ask you, is it really about that, or is it maybe, just maybe, about the committment you think you might be moving towards? I have to think you aren't a complete [inappropriate/removed], so I'm thinking there is probably something deeper here.


yea being 31 im kinda on some now or never type of stuff and i recognize thats part of the problem. time def isnt on my side anymore and im ready for the whole married life. but i dont want to marry the wrong one and be stuck. the deeper the relationship gets the more im thinking can i be content wife-ing this chick, cause im not a cheater. i know if im not totally satisfied then im going to leave.

btw she isnt perfect either. i prolly should have mentioned this but long story short. met her in the end of may. we talked for a month and finally kicked it in july and everything was perfect. my bday came up in aug. she said she would cook me steak etc etc cater to me the whole 9.she goes m.i.a. and i dont get a call or nothing till about a month later.

i cant lie i took it hard and it took me a while to get over her and when i finally did we run into each other again at the mall. she said she lost her phone and my # and the reason she was m.i.a. was because her ex's dad died (both families are hella close so it was family pressure also) and the ex asked her to console him etc etc. she said nothing happened and she figured id be pissed so she didnt try to come to my house (she knew where i lived). she said she hella missed/loved me and was hella sorry etc etc i believed her and i took her back. i forgived but i didnt forget.
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green24 wrote:
NCOUGHMAN > all of you


Raider X wrote:
This is football, not pussology 101
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JohnChimpo


Joined: 29 Jan 2009
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PostPosted: Wed Oct 31, 2012 6:00 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Attraction is not 100% physical. Looks can get you in the door, but how we interact with each other plays a huge role in increasing attraction. That said, I would argue looks are far more important to men than women. It may sound cliche and barbaric, but it is what it is.

Last edited by JohnChimpo on Wed Oct 31, 2012 6:06 pm; edited 1 time in total
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JohnChimpo


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PostPosted: Wed Oct 31, 2012 6:06 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Yikes, Cough. Obviously what we were talking about is not the real issue. Give it some time to see the true nature of her character before making any rash decisions.
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fretgod99


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PostPosted: Wed Oct 31, 2012 6:06 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

NCOUGHMAN wrote:
yea being 31 im kinda on some now or never type of stuff and i recognize thats part of the problem. time def isnt on my side anymore and im ready for the whole married life. but i dont want to marry the wrong one and be stuck. the deeper the relationship gets the more im thinking can i be content wife-ing this chick, cause im not a cheater. i know if im not totally satisfied then im going to leave.
This isn't a particularly healthy attitude to be going into a marriage with. You're essentially setting yourself up for divorce before too long.

If you're worried about being happy long-term in a marriage, excellent! Don't base your decision off of physical characteristics if long-term is your concern. Personality. Do you see eye-to-eye on most things? Can you have interesting, engaging conversations? Do you enjoy spending time together? When one of you is upset, how do you two handle it? Can you have disagreements and discussions about serious topics without creating fights or volatile arguments?

All of those questions are infinitely more important to the long-term success of a relationship than physical characteristics. Which, again, is not to say that physical attraction is not important, because it certainly is.
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NCOUGHMAN


Joined: 25 Mar 2008
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PostPosted: Wed Oct 31, 2012 6:07 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

JohnChimpo wrote:
Attraction is not 100% physical. Looks can get you in the door, but how we interact with each other is plays a huge role in increasing attraction. That said, I would argue looks are far more important to men than women. It may sound cliche and barbaric, but it is what it is.


agree. except i think females are big on looks also.
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green24 wrote:
NCOUGHMAN > all of you


Raider X wrote:
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IrishGreen


Joined: 22 Mar 2007
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PostPosted: Wed Oct 31, 2012 6:08 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

JohnChimpo wrote:
Attraction is not 100% physical. Looks can get you in the door, but how we interact with each other is plays a huge role in increasing attraction. That said, I would argue looks are far more important to men than women. It may sound cliche and barbaric, but it is what it is.


nah it's true. women care more about personality, strength (shows you can protect family), wealth (even subconsciously, also sounds cynical, but it's true, shows you can provide for family), and other soft factors.

men care more about looks and fertility (why older men prefer younger women) because they want their offspring to have the best genetics possible.

i've read several studies on this crap and a lot of it comes to the same conclusion.
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IrishGreen


Joined: 22 Mar 2007
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PostPosted: Wed Oct 31, 2012 6:10 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

NCOUGHMAN wrote:
JohnChimpo wrote:
Attraction is not 100% physical. Looks can get you in the door, but how we interact with each other is plays a huge role in increasing attraction. That said, I would argue looks are far more important to men than women. It may sound cliche and barbaric, but it is what it is.


agree. except i think females are big on looks also.


they care, but not to the extent men do. iirc this research study i read a couple of years ago, men have looks as the #1 priority when "looking for a mate", whereas women it was like #5 or #6.
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