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RainbowCarebear


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PostPosted: Sat Oct 20, 2012 6:44 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I'm not flexible enough Embarassed
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oland11


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PostPosted: Sat Oct 20, 2012 6:44 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

RainbowCarebear wrote:
I'm not flexible enough Embarassed


BECAUSE YOU TOUCH YOURSELF AT NIGHT
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RainbowCarebear


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PostPosted: Sat Oct 20, 2012 6:50 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

oland11 wrote:
RainbowCarebear wrote:
I'm not flexible enough Embarassed


BECAUSE YOU TOUCH YOURSELF AT NIGHT


You're a weird perv.
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Hammertime52


Joined: 15 Jan 2012
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PostPosted: Sat Oct 20, 2012 8:00 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

oland11 wrote:
Hammertime52 wrote:
Can we bring dates? If so DIBS ON OLANDS MOM


Too late.




NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
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willy_law


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PostPosted: Sat Oct 20, 2012 8:17 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Hammertime52 wrote:
Can we bring dates? If so DIBS ON OLANDS MOM


dibs on lolo suck it Ian.
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Phire


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PostPosted: Sat Oct 20, 2012 8:21 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

willy_law wrote:
Hammertime52 wrote:
Can we bring dates? If so DIBS ON OLANDS MOM


dibs on lolo suck it Ian.


You think he wants that piece of skin bones and muscle?
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Nabbs4u


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PostPosted: Sat Oct 20, 2012 9:26 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Phire wrote:
Hammertime52 wrote:
I'm thinking an american flag suit. When the winners are announced can we see how many other posters got votes in that category aswell?


I say keep them private , but PM Nabbs for it privately. Up to him though.


I'll announce at least 2nd place maybe 3rd we'll see. There were only 19 ballots turned in pretty disappointing considering the 10 or so veteran posters who couldn't be bothered. Once winners are announced feel free to say who you voted for. However please don't post your entire ballot until the ceremonies are over. Thanks and yes I do have 3 fancy sets of Gold pants ,one of which has already been forwarded to this years GSA winner.
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ianlewis16


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PostPosted: Sat Oct 20, 2012 10:32 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Phire wrote:
willy_law wrote:
Hammertime52 wrote:
Can we bring dates? If so DIBS ON OLANDS MOM


dibs on lolo suck it Ian.


You think he wants that piece of skin bones and muscle?


35 pages and the damn thing hasn't even started yet. what is wrong with you people
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Matts4313


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PostPosted: Sat Oct 20, 2012 11:00 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

ianlewis16 wrote:
35 pages and the damn thing hasn't even started yet. what is wrong with you people


Take off your pants, that normally jump starts the action.
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oland11


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PostPosted: Sat Oct 20, 2012 11:19 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Nabbs4u wrote:
Phire wrote:
Hammertime52 wrote:
I'm thinking an american flag suit. When the winners are announced can we see how many other posters got votes in that category aswell?


I say keep them private , but PM Nabbs for it privately. Up to him though.


I'll announce at least 2nd place maybe 3rd we'll see. There were only 19 ballots turned in pretty disappointing considering the 10 or so veteran posters who couldn't be bothered. Once winners are announced feel free to say who you voted for. However please don't post your entire ballot until the ceremonies are over. Thanks and yes I do have 3 fancy sets of Gold pants ,one of which has already been forwarded to this years GSA winner.


Lets start to point fingers.

*points at Ian*
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Phire


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PostPosted: Sun Oct 21, 2012 1:29 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Chapter 7: The Baldies

With the blue-men and their volatile leader, Gemen defeated, the party had to move fast.

"We've got about 6 hours before nightfall." The wise Jay Rock noted.

"LOL I've been seeing some gulls flying west, most likely the coast is near-by LOLOL." Kev Kolb announced.

"Get that wabbit.. yeah, that wabbit.." Wabbit mumbled.

"We will go West, then. Let's go." Klitus said.

"Sorry friends, this kitten will not be going West." Beesixty said, as he straddled behind. "I am a man who welcomes friendship, but I am part of no wolf pack..." And with that, Beesixty bounded off into the forest on all fours.

The rest of the crew started to head West.
This was probably one of the strangest band of characters to have ever been assembled.

The young and naive Klitus from the Haven.
The young and mute RBC from the Haven.
His talking pet raccoon Denmarky.
The broad-shouldered and experienced sailor Jay Rock.
The powerful 5-36-81 who only spoke when necessary.
The strange man, Wabbit.
The notorious traitor, deserter, and complainer, Crab Jansen or Ceejay.
And finally the lead singer of a world-famous band, the Blah.



They had walked for about an hour when the Blah asked Klitus to step aside and speak to him in private.

"Klitus."

"Yes? What is it Blah."

The two men spoke in private, seemingly collaborating something. It wasn't clear as to what they spoke of, though.

When they finally reached the coast, they were greeted by a gleaming, blue ocean as calm as Jay Rock's face. Such a beautiful sight, for a dangerous island, Klitus thought to himself.

"Yo homies, we there yet?" Ceejay whined.

"What does it look like, clown." 5-36-81 fired back.

Even Ceejay seemed to not be himself lately, he normally would have fired back a challenge or insult but he kept to himself, realizing this was not the time to make enemies.

"Quiet, there, a harbor." Jay Rock said.



The harbor was clamoring with blue-men, going on and off their ships, some large warships, others small fishing boats. The harbor was impressive, storehouses lined the coast and docks sprawled out over the still waters like a spider web.

"There's too many of them." Klitus sighed.

"They will settle eventually." Jay Rock reassured. "These are the times I wish Captain Lewis were still around... rest in peace."

"Rest in peace." 5-36-81 and Kev Kolb said in unison, as a tear streamed from the Wabbit's eye.

Klitus didn't fail them last time, and he was confident he could draw up another successful plan to leave this island and get to Philadelphia and the Baldies.

"Ok, let's fall back a bit and think this through."

They crawled through the forest a bit until they found a simple sandy clearing.

"If we are to make way on a ship... it's going to be on that big black ship." Jay Rock said.



"By the size of it, I'd say it's the fastest. As soon as we take one of their vessels, they will come after us with their entire fleet. Our only chance is to outrun them."

"LOL hey guys, look there LOL." Kev Kolb said in a hushed voice.

2 dark ships, armed with cannons swiftly sailed about a hundred yards off the coast.

"Patrol ships." 5-36-81 said.

"What are we to do now?" Denmarky squealed. RBC held him tight.

Klitus again took control. "We need to leave, tonight. The blue-men will eventually learn of Gemen and his men's deaths. They will know we escaped. Patrol ships or not, when we get an opportunity to leave--"

Just then two more patrol ships came circling around.

"It looks like they may already be on high alert." Jay Rock said sternly.

"Jay Rock, how fast would you say that dark ship is?" Klitus inquired.

"Oh, she's definitely a fast one. But I wouldn't say she would be much faster than those patrol ships, they're built for speed."

Klitus tried to process the situation for a minute.
"OK, then, we draw them to land."

"LOL what?" Kev Kolb interjected.

"We start a fire close enough to the harbor to where they will see. They will react to it, hopefully it draws the patrol ships off course." Klitus explained.

"It's a gamble." 5-36-81 doubted.

"Yeah homey that cray!" Ceejay added.

That is when Klitus gathered his strength.

"When I started this journey, I thought I would have an easy stroll to the capital city to enjoy the Baldies. I planned to get there a few days in advance, to enjoy the sights, to pay tribute to the Statue of God, and pray that the Haven is blessed with favorable weather.
"What I got was several near-death experiences, starting with that strange creature Slamman. Then I was escorted part way to New Dorenbos by Ninjus, the drunk. I still don't know who he was or what he wanted. I was arrested, all thanks to Crab Jansen. I lost my friend Olynd in a war with Dallas at New Dorenbos, and was momentarily killed by the monster, PE.
"I saw ghosts, then woke up on a cart full of corpses, then dealt with the deranged Dashing... I thought I would finally escape when Captain Lewis decided it was time to hunt whale and our ship capsized.
"And now I'm here, trapped on an island with some blue freaks, and this is my only chance at getting to where I was supposed to get to in the first place. We either do this together, or we face our fates at the hands of the New Yorkers. All I wanted was to get to Philadelphia, so maybe one day I could tell the young children of the Haven stories like old Dingo does."

"Well kid, it sounds like you've got yourself plenty of stories." Jay Rock said smoothly, the rest of them silent.
"We'll make the fire, but all bets are off."

Klitus smiled.
"We'll make the fire in the shrubbery inland about 200 paces from the harbor. Once the blue-men react and leave the harbor, we swing around the shore and mount the ship.
Ceejay, I have a special mission for you. I want you to, alone, board the black ship first and prep her while we make our run. That way we can leave immediately. If we send any more than one of us, we risk being seen."

Ceejay had a look of surprise.
"Yo I don't know nothing about no-- ...aiiiight homey, I'll drive the ship, leave that to me bro."

"What? You're going to send him LOLOL? Why not someone who actually knows how to handle a boat?" Kev Kolb objected.

"This is for Ceejay. From the moment I met him, he was always a thief, a liar, a traitor. I want him to have his moment of clarity and redemption. If he can pull through for us here, he would be a true hero."

Ceejay's upper lip quivered as his eyes began to shine and gleam. And thus marked the beginning of Crab Jansen's road to redemption.

"I won't let you bros down, I swear it."

Klitus nodded. "Good, I believe in you. Jay Rock, teach him what he will need to do once aboard."

*****INTERMISSION*****
(for best effects, click link ^ and read rest)

Game time.

They all covered themselves in mud, to darken themselves. Even the timid RBC wore an angry face as they quietly stalked the moonlit coast.



They set Crab Jansen buried under sand by the harbor.

When they had separated, Klitus was asked,
"What are you thinking? He's going to fail." By Jay Rock.

"Don't worry. I've got this handled."

The crew, minus Ceejay marked their way to the burning spot. They had gathered kindling wood, dry leaves, and other combustibles.

"Is this going to burn enough?" Klitus pondered aloud.

"Step aside, son." The Blah moved toward their fire pit. He unzipped his jorts, took them off, and held them high into the moonlight.

"This pair had served me well to this day. I know she will burn as brightly as the North Star for me.

And with tears streaming down his face, he tossed the pair of jorts onto the pit.



5-36-81 took from a secret compartment in his trousers a flask of powerful, and flammable, rum. He took a swig of it, hissed at its burning taste, and poured the rest on the Blah's jorts.

Denmarky then began to frivolously scratch his claws together, and within 15 seconds, he had created sparks. And in an instant, a huge fire had burst. The entire island may burn down, Klitus speculated.

"RUN." Jay Rock barked.

They began running to their 2nd meeting point along the coast. About 45 seconds into their break, bells were ringing from the harbor, and they heard the chatter and clamoring.

They ran as fast as they could in the blanket of blackness the night had cast upon them. Tripping over roots and rocks, eventually they go to the sandy coast. They still ran, turned the corner, and the harbor was in view. It was decently illuminated, and they saw little blue-men abandoning their ships and storehouses to try and tame the fire.

They got to where Ceejay was buried, and saw that he was gone. The harbor was relatively empty, and nobody should be remaining on the boats. The island was small and a forest fire was a dire crisis.

"Let's go! What are we waiting for? Crab just lowered the sails!" 5-36-81 said.

Klitus held still.

"Klitus! This is our chance! They're gone and Ceejay is waiting for us!"

Klitus still held still and put an arm out to stop any advancements.

"YOU FOOL!" Jay Rock thundered.

Just then, the large black ship began to move.

"LOL WHAT?!?!?" Kev Kolb said.

"Right on cue." Klitus said with a cue. The rest of them just stared at Klitus.

They heard Crab laughing from the boat as it departed. "Hahahahaha, see you later, haters, PEACE B------!!!"



"There goes your chance, you ruined it Klitus." 5-36-81 said with a solemn tone.

"Don't worry, this is all part of the plan." Klitus said.

Just then, the patrol boats that were docked began in pursuit of Crab's large black ship. They unleashed a siren that summoned more and more patrol ships from the surrounding blackness. In all there may have been 30 ships tailing Crab's ship.

"NOW!" The Blah said. He drew some brown stuff from his sock, and tossed it into the sea.

"What is happening?" Jay Rock asked.

And in that moment, the sea had swollen 40 feet high. Just then, a giant monster emerged from the depths of the sea.



"Meet Reginald, my proud son." The Blah said jovially, as he climbed aboard.
"Let's go, everybody."

One by one they climbed the giant turtle. The Blah whispered to it and they set sail into the ocean, every patrol ship drawn away by Crab Jansen.

Crab Jansen would be caught by the patrol ships. To his credit, he was true to himself till the very end. What the blue-men would do with him was left to the cruelest imagination. Klitus knew Ceejay would bail on them as soon as he had the chance. When The Blah pulled him aside during their walk, he had told Klitus about Reginald.

Some say Crab Jansen, our beloved Ceejay, was a hero.
Some say he was a scummy traitor.

Whatever the case may be, thus ends Ceejay's road to redemption.

*****INTERMISSION 2*****

Now they cruised along the calm ocean. The Blah expects they would all reach Philadelphia by morning, just in time for the Baldies.

Klitus reflected on his incredible journey, but was ready for any twist of events. This time, though, and for the first time in a long time, the twist bore good news.

As they rode through the brightening dawn air, they noticed a large surge of water to the side of Reginald.

A dark shadow loomed beneath, and the men held their breath.

"C... C... Captain Lewis?" Jay Rock stammered.

"Dat wabbit! He got dat wabbit!" The Wabbit said.

"LOL I'll be darned." Kev Kolb admitted.

"And he found himself a beauty." 5-36-81 said with a grin.

Captain Lewis emerged from the depths on the back of a large beast, the monster that capsized the Mother Lewis. The men aboard the Reginald all cheered and clapped for the fearless handler of sea-beasts.

"Like a true captain." Klitus thought.

Together, they all rode to the glistening Philadelphia harbor. The city was all marble white, with magnificent lighthouses that lined the harbor. Many ships that bore the King's banner waved in the air.

When they docked, Klitus kissed the ground.
"RBC, Denmarky, let's go!"

The three of them ascended the curved roads to the King's palace. Once inside, they saw the glorious statue of the God of Philadelphia, the Gold of Old who had overseen the people for thousands of years. The three inhabitants of the Haven all prayed for good harvests to come.



Once they went further into the King's Palace, they saw a large dining hall with all the people who would participate in the Baldies.

In his throne was the old King Nabbulus, with his gray tangled hairs and long midnight green cape. He sat atop a golden throne, and looked eagerly at his guests.

Flanking the King to his right and left respectively were the royal guards of the King, Sir 06050 and Sunny. They looked about with a stern, cool face.

Klitus saw his friends too, the sailors of the Mother Lewis. He caught Jay Rock's eye, who gave him a nod, then returned to the fine dame he was conversing with.

Out of the corner of his eye, Klitus saw three light-blue glowing ghosts.



One was Hamrahead, his guardian hammerhead shark. The other, Ceejay, who gave Klitus the double bird, Michael Vick style. The last was his friend from the Haven, Olynd, who playfully pointed his knife at Klitus.

This was the Baldies, Klitus thought. He had gone through treacherous challenges to get here, and now, he was here in the presence of the King. He would represent The Haven well, he thought, and decided to join in the festivities.

Nothing could stop him now.
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theuntouchable wrote:
Think about this phire. I am the real chow.

RainbowCarebear wrote:
Only for the quick and lucky.

Danish proverb 3:69


Last edited by Phire on Sun Oct 21, 2012 2:15 am; edited 1 time in total
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Phire


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PostPosted: Sun Oct 21, 2012 1:44 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

If you read all of my story thank you Cool

It was pretty long but I tried to mix some humorous elements/dark elements and I put a ton of subtle references and allusions in there to make it more interesting.

Sorry if I didn't get you into the story.

Baldies in 11 hours Very Happy
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theuntouchable wrote:
Think about this phire. I am the real chow.

RainbowCarebear wrote:
Only for the quick and lucky.

Danish proverb 3:69
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Jroc04


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PostPosted: Sun Oct 21, 2012 2:01 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Awesome, bro. Great work. I got chills a couple times.

We should get a keg and make the movie adaptation.

Great appetizer to the Baldies!
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Kiltman


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PostPosted: Sun Oct 21, 2012 2:25 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Jroc04 wrote:
Awesome, bro. Great work. I got chills a couple times.

We should get a keg and make the movie adaptation.

Great appetizer to the Baldies!

Yea Phire great job, I laughed, I cried, and everything in between.
A big budget trilogy would be the only way to do it justice, with the ensemble cast from The Blah's Brotherhood of the Traveling Jorts together again to star of course. Gosling would make the perfect Captain Lewis, but who would play ceejay?
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Jroc04


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PostPosted: Sun Oct 21, 2012 2:30 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Kiltman wrote:
Jroc04 wrote:
Awesome, bro. Great work. I got chills a couple times.

We should get a keg and make the movie adaptation.

Great appetizer to the Baldies!

Yea Phire great job, I laughed, I cried, and everything in between.
A big budget trilogy would be the only way to do it justice, with the ensemble cast from The Blah's Brotherhood of the Traveling Jorts together again to star of course. Gosling would make the perfect Captain Lewis, but who would play ceejay?


Buscemi?
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