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Stupid things

 
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steeler75586


Joined: 18 Feb 2006
Posts: 1550
Location: Pennsylvania
PostPosted: Sat May 06, 2006 6:21 am    Post subject: Stupid things Reply with quote

I saw stupid football quotes so why not give you some just plain stupid quotes.
Warning Labels
Actual label instructions on consumer goods:


On Sears Hairdryer:
Do not use while sleeping.

On a bag of Fritos:
You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside.

On a bar of Dial soap:
Directions: Use like other soap.

On some Swann frozen dinners:
Serving suggestion: Defrost.

On a hotel provided shower cap in a box:
Fits one head.

On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert:
(printed on bottom of box) Do not turn upside down.

On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding:
Product will be hot after heating.

On packaging for a Rowenta iron:
Do not iron clothes on body.

On Boot's Children's cough medicine:
Do not drive ar or operate machinery.

On Nytol sleep aid:
Warning: may cause drowsiness.

On a Korean kitchen knife:
Warning keep out of children.

On a string of Chinese-made Christmas lights:
For indoor or outdoor use only.

On Sainsbury's peanuts:
Warning: contains nuts.

On an American Airlines packet of nuts:
Instructions: open packet, eat nuts.

On a Swedish chainsaw:
Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals.

On a child's Superman costume:
Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly.

IDIOTS AT WORK
I was signing the receipt for my credit card purchase when the clerk noticed that I had never signed my name on the back of the credit card. She informed me that she could not complete the transaction unless the card was signed. When I asked why, she explained that it was necessary to compare the signature on the credit card with the signature I just signed on the receipt. So I signed the credit card in front of her. She carefully compared that signature to the one I signed on the receipt. As luck would have it, they matched.
IDIOTS IN THE NEIGHBORHOOD
I live in a semi-rural area. We recently had a new neighbor call the local township administrative office to request the removal of the Deer Crossing sign on our road. The reason: many deer were being hit by cars and he no longer wanted them to cross there.

IDIOTS IN FOOD SERVICE
My daughter went to a local Taco Bell and ordered a taco. She asked the individual behind the counter for "minimal lettuce." He said he was sorry, but they only had iceberg.

IDIOT SIGHTINGS
Sighting #1:
I was at the airport, checking in at the gate, when the airport employee asked, "Has anyone put anything in your baggage without your knowledge?" I said, "If it was without my knowledge, how would I know?" He smiled and nodded knowingly, "That's why we ask."

Sighting #2:
The stoplight on the corner buzzes when it is safe to cross the street. I was crossing with an intellectually challenged coworker of mine, when she asked if I knew what the buzzer was for. I explained that it signals to blind people when the light is red. She responded, appalled, "What on earth are blind people doing driving?"

Sighting #3:
At a good-bye lunch for an old and dear coworker who is leaving the company due to "down-sizing," our manager spoke up and said, "this is fun. We should have lunch like this more often." Not another word was spoken. We just looked at each other like deer staring into the headlights of an approaching truck.

Sighting #4:
I worked with an Individual who plugged her power strip back into itself and for the life of her could not understand why her system would not turn on.

Sighting #5:
When my husband and I arrived at an automobile dealership to pick up our car, we were told that the keys had been accidentally locked in it. We went to the service department and found a mechanic working feverishly to unlock the driver's side door. As I watched from the passenger's side, I instinctively tried the door handle and discovered it was open. "Hey," I announced to the technician, "It's open!"
"I know," answered the young man, "I already got that side."

Classified Ads


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--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
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1/2 COCKER SPANIEL
1/2 SNEAKY NEIGHBOR'S DOG

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FREE PUPPIES...
PART GERMAN SHEPHERD
PART STUPID DOG

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
FOUND: DIRTY WHITE DOG.
LOOKS LIKE A RAT...
BEEN OUT AWHILE..
BETTER BE REWARD.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
1 MAN, 7 WOMAN HOT TUB --
$850/offer

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
SNOW BLOWER FOR SALE...
ONLY USED ON SNOWY DAYS.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
2 WIRE MESH BUTCHERING GLOVES:
1 5-finger, 1 3-finger, PAIR: $15

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
TICKLE ME ELMO, STILL IN BOX,
COMES WITH ITS OWN 1988 MUSTANG, 5L, AUTO, EXCELLENT CONDITION $6800

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
COWS FOR SALE.
NEVER BRED CALVES.
ALSO 1 GAY BULL FOR SALE.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
FULL SIZED MATTRESS.
20 YR. WARRANTY.
LIKE NEW.
SLIGHT URINE SMELL.

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NORDIC TRACK $300
HARDLY USED, CALL CHUBBY

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BILL'S SEPTIC CLEANING
"WE HAUL AMERICAN MADE PRODUCTS"

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HUMMELS - LARGEST SELECTION EVER
"IF IT'S IN STOCK, WE HAVE HEY THIS COULD BE OUR NEW MOTTO!!
IT!"

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HARRISBURG POSTAL EMPLOYEES
GUN CLUB

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
GEORGIA PEACHES
CALIFORNIA GROWN - 89 cents lb.

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NICE PARACHUTE:
NEVER OPENED - USED ONCE

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FOR AN AFFAIR TO REMEMBER

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OPEN HOUSE
BODY SHAPERS TONING SALON
FREE COFFEE & DONUTS

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FOR SALE BY OWNER
COMPLETE SET OF ENCYCLOPEDIA BRITANNICA. 45 VOLUMES. EXCELLENT CONDITION. $1,000.00 NEGOTIABLE. NO LONGER NEEDED. RECENTLY MARRIED; WIFE KNOWS EVERYTHING.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
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MyFavoriteMartin


Joined: 11 Feb 2006
Posts: 912
PostPosted: Sat May 06, 2006 7:11 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Hahaha Laughing I liked the food warnings part the most.
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TheChad


Joined: 10 Apr 2006
Posts: 8929
Location: Australia
PostPosted: Sat May 06, 2006 8:36 am    Post subject: Re: Stupid things Reply with quote

steeler75586 wrote:

On a hotel provided shower cap in a box:
Fits one head.


Lots of good ones but i loved that one Laughing
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aftwine


Joined: 06 Mar 2006
Posts: 103
PostPosted: Sat May 06, 2006 8:58 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

The funny thing is you guys know why those products have warning labels like that, becaue idiots actually did stuff like that.

Somebody at one point actually left a hair dryer on their head and went to sleep....
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eagles91


Joined: 01 Feb 2006
Posts: 3424
Location: Boston
PostPosted: Sat May 06, 2006 9:10 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

you know what is even more sad... they have to put thise on there, because people will try some of those things (except blow drying your hair in your sleep Confused )
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Jets4e13


Joined: 25 Jan 2006
Posts: 2374
Location: USA
PostPosted: Sat May 06, 2006 9:14 am    Post subject: Re: Stupid things Reply with quote

steeler75586 wrote:

On a child's Superman costume:
Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly.


That was the best one. There all funny though
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Deets


Moderator
Joined: 16 Oct 2004
Posts: 12780
Location: Red Sox Nation
PostPosted: Sat May 06, 2006 10:02 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

steeler75586 wrote:
COWS FOR SALE.
NEVER BRED CALVES.
ALSO 1 GAY BULL FOR SALE.


that is the funniest thing I have heard in a long time
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