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How do you define acceptable age gaps in relationships?
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x0x


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PostPosted: Wed Apr 10, 2013 9:04 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I wouldn't care if my daughter is say, 17 and plays volleyball and her 40 year old coach offers to give her extra training and becomes a friend of the family.

That's appropriate although any family would have the right to reject him if they were uncomfortable.



With regards to dating, it's far different because romantic relationships are about the possibilities of living together. So tell me how a 40 year old and an 18 year old is going to work out in the future? If the 40 year old is a man, certainly he can still have children. They can have several kids and have a nice life, until the guy is hitting retirement age, probably can't move as well and maybe dies when many of his kids are not even done college.

I bring up the Charlie Chaplin Case. He started seeing a 17 year old girl at age 53. They waited until she turned 18 to marry where she would remain his wife for 34 years until his death having eight children.



Now, I'll explain why the above is such an incredible outlier that likewise relationships in age gap should not be given benefit of doubt.

Chaplin was incredibly wealthy.
Chaplin was a legendary icon.
Chaplin his wife left their country and moved to Switzerland.
They had eight children.
They got married early (where Chaplin was likely her first intimate encounter)


Now let's analyze this properly. What would have to happen if my 18 year old daughter married a 54 year old man to work?

Most likely all of the above with Chaplin. And let's not act like Chaplin didn't have a history of going after young girls.....
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24isthelaw


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PostPosted: Wed Apr 10, 2013 9:11 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

DontTazeMeBro wrote:
Both. But by hanging out I don't mean like having occasional casual conversations.


I see where you're coming from a bit.

I think it depends on what "hanging out" entails. If a guy who's 30 years older pounds beers and hits on girls with you, they are basically your age from a maturity standpoint. Same if its any other kind of interaction that is driven by being at a common stage in life. Its weird to have certain kinds of "hangout" with older people.

But a lot of the ways you can enjoy yourself with a friend are universal across ages. For example, you can visit a nice museum with someone 30 years older than you and have a hell of a time, without ever feeling out of place or awkward.

I get what you're trying to say but I think the scope of it is limited to certain kinds of interaction.
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iPwn


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PostPosted: Wed Apr 10, 2013 9:13 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

x0x wrote:
I bring up the Charlie Chaplin Case. He started seeing a 17 year old girl at age 53. They waited until she turned 18 to marry where she would remain his wife for 34 years until his death having eight children.



Now, I'll explain why the above is such an incredible outlier that likewise relationships in age gap should not be given benefit of doubt.

Chaplin was incredibly wealthy.
Chaplin was a legendary icon.
Chaplin his wife left their country and moved to Switzerland.
They had eight children.
They got married early (where Chaplin was likely her first intimate encounter)


Now let's analyze this properly. What would have to happen if my 18 year old daughter married a 54 year old man to work?

Most likely all of the above with Chaplin. And let's not act like Chaplin didn't have a history of going after young girls.....
You didn't explain why it's an outlier at all.
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iPwn


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PostPosted: Wed Apr 10, 2013 9:15 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

x0x wrote:
iPwn wrote:
DontTazeMeBro wrote:
Not the same thing. I don't know how old iPwn is. What they talk about. The environment in which they associate. The gender of the other person. How often they spend time together.

Having an occasional casual conversation about the economy or whatever is fine. Participating in activities with kids that you should be doing with a peer group around your own age is strange.
I'm 24, but I have been visiting them since I was 2 years old. But let's say for discussion that I was 18, that I talked to individuals of either sex, and that we did several of the things I do with my aunt and uncle. So go to car shows, museums, baseball games, cookouts, have get-togethers, talk about life issues, politics (throw in religion too), job related things, share stories, info about books we read, discuss tv shows, go to lunch like I do with other friends, and the like. You know, the things that friends typically do.

weird/mentally ill?



WHAT the hell does this have to do with dating?

Please tell me.

Are you having intimate relations with your grandparents' friends?
Read and you'll see, comrade.
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Iggles


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PostPosted: Wed Apr 10, 2013 9:17 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

iPwn wrote:
x0x wrote:
I bring up the Charlie Chaplin Case. He started seeing a 17 year old girl at age 53. They waited until she turned 18 to marry where she would remain his wife for 34 years until his death having eight children.



Now, I'll explain why the above is such an incredible outlier that likewise relationships in age gap should not be given benefit of doubt.

Chaplin was incredibly wealthy.
Chaplin was a legendary icon.
Chaplin his wife left their country and moved to Switzerland.
They had eight children.
They got married early (where Chaplin was likely her first intimate encounter)


Now let's analyze this properly. What would have to happen if my 18 year old daughter married a 54 year old man to work?

Most likely all of the above with Chaplin. And let's not act like Chaplin didn't have a history of going after young girls.....
You didn't explain why it's an outlier at all.


Or even what it was an outlier in regard to.

BTW, the heternormativity and gender essentialism in this thread, on top of all the other assumptions, is just nonsensical.
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x0x


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PostPosted: Wed Apr 10, 2013 9:19 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

iPwn wrote:
x0x wrote:
I bring up the Charlie Chaplin Case. He started seeing a 17 year old girl at age 53. They waited until she turned 18 to marry where she would remain his wife for 34 years until his death having eight children.



Now, I'll explain why the above is such an incredible outlier that likewise relationships in age gap should not be given benefit of doubt.

Chaplin was incredibly wealthy.
Chaplin was a legendary icon.
Chaplin his wife left their country and moved to Switzerland.
They had eight children.
They got married early (where Chaplin was likely her first intimate encounter)


Now let's analyze this properly. What would have to happen if my 18 year old daughter married a 54 year old man to work?

Most likely all of the above with Chaplin. And let's not act like Chaplin didn't have a history of going after young girls.....
You didn't explain why it's an outlier at all.


........seriously?


HE WAS CHARLIE CHAPLIN


Just like I'd be okay with a 50 year old Michael Jordan dating my daughter (hypothetical as she was just recently born but you get the point)
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iPwn


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PostPosted: Wed Apr 10, 2013 9:22 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

x0x wrote:
iPwn wrote:
x0x wrote:
I bring up the Charlie Chaplin Case. He started seeing a 17 year old girl at age 53. They waited until she turned 18 to marry where she would remain his wife for 34 years until his death having eight children.



Now, I'll explain why the above is such an incredible outlier that likewise relationships in age gap should not be given benefit of doubt.

Chaplin was incredibly wealthy.
Chaplin was a legendary icon.
Chaplin his wife left their country and moved to Switzerland.
They had eight children.
They got married early (where Chaplin was likely her first intimate encounter)


Now let's analyze this properly. What would have to happen if my 18 year old daughter married a 54 year old man to work?

Most likely all of the above with Chaplin. And let's not act like Chaplin didn't have a history of going after young girls.....
You didn't explain why it's an outlier at all.


........seriously?


HE WAS CHARLIE CHAPLIN


Just like I'd be okay with a 50 year old Michael Jordan dating my daughter (hypothetical as she was just recently born but you get the point)
This might be the dumbest thing you've ever said.

All this stuff about how people don't connect, people are taking avdantage, have nothing in common, etc. gets thrown out the window if the person is famous? You'd let Michael Jordan take advantage of your daughter? Really?
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x0x


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PostPosted: Wed Apr 10, 2013 9:23 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

GoneWithTheWind wrote:
This may be muddying things up a little bit but what about one night flings between people with large age gaps. One of my older brothers freinds went to the bar on his 21st birthday and met a really good looking 47 year old women at the bar, they drank some and had a good time that night if you catch my drift. Is she mentally ill for having a good time with someone much younger then her.


In most cases, a 47 year old is near menopause or already at it and of course women 35+ will have a difficult time conceiving under most circumstances.

THAT right there is one reason it's viewed differently.

Then of course it's already been touched upon how men are naturally " predatory" although I'd like to think it's a social construct there is the undeniable issue that men cannot be forced into the same situations as women....
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x0x


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PostPosted: Wed Apr 10, 2013 9:28 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

iPwn wrote:
This might be the dumbest thing you've ever said.

All this stuff about how people don't connect, people are taking avdantage, have nothing in common, etc. gets thrown out the window if the person is famous? You'd let Michael Jordan take advantage of your daughter? Really?




Seriously though, one of the greatest fears of a parent is whether their child will be able to find stability in life, be that financial or career.

Having my daughter even date Michael Jordan would open doors for her and most likely help her build a better future for herself.


And that's me being objective. I of course grew up idolizing Michael Jordan...



P.S. That's nowhere NEAR the most questionable statement I've made.
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iPwn


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PostPosted: Wed Apr 10, 2013 9:47 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Take advantage of my daughter, just make sure you give her money!

You're cool with that, but you judge other people's choices as to why to be together as wrong simply based on age?

Yeah, I'm done here. Have a good one, comrade.
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x0x


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PostPosted: Wed Apr 10, 2013 10:32 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

iPwn wrote:
Take advantage of my daughter, just make sure you give her money!

You're cool with that, but you judge other people's choices as to why to be together as wrong simply based on age?

Yeah, I'm done here. Have a good one, comrade.






More than likely a man will take advantage of my daughter in one way or another at some point. Why not Michael Jordan? (again, hypothetical as he's 50 now).
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J Pep 4 Step


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PostPosted: Wed Apr 10, 2013 10:37 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

DontTazeMeBro wrote:
J Pep 4 Step wrote:
DontTazeMeBro wrote:
J Pep 4 Step wrote:
DontTazeMeBro wrote:
Where are you meeting 18 y/o's? What could a middle aged man have in common with an 18 y/o? An 18 y/o has pretty much no life experiences other than school. They probably havent been living away from their parents for more than a few months if they even are. Don't care whether its legal or not. If you are a grown man trying to have a relationship with an 18 y/o you are a weirdo.


What do they have in common? Why do they need to have something in common besides enjoying each others company?


If a 40 year old enjoys hanging out with teenagers they are weird.


Well I am not talking about hanging out with teens. I am talking about having a romantic relationship with an adult. A young adult. But an adult nonetheless. And you don't need a lot in common to date someone. Must a mutual attraction or need.
So what context is this response in, before I respond. Are we talking about a 40 year old hanging out with teens? Or a 40 year old dating an 18 year old adult? Is there any difference in your mind?


Both. But by hanging out I don't mean like having occasional casual conversations.

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J Pep 4 Step


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PostPosted: Wed Apr 10, 2013 10:41 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

x0x wrote:
I wouldn't care if my daughter is say, 17 and plays volleyball and her 40 year old coach offers to give her extra training and becomes a friend of the family.

That's appropriate although any family would have the right to reject him if they were uncomfortable.



With regards to dating, it's far different because romantic relationships are about the possibilities of living together. So tell me how a 40 year old and an 18 year old is going to work out in the future? If the 40 year old is a man, certainly he can still have children. They can have several kids and have a nice life, until the guy is hitting retirement age, probably can't move as well and maybe dies when many of his kids are not even done college.

I bring up the Charlie Chaplin Case. He started seeing a 17 year old girl at age 53. They waited until she turned 18 to marry where she would remain his wife for 34 years until his death having eight children.



Now, I'll explain why the above is such an incredible outlier that likewise relationships in age gap should not be given benefit of doubt.

Chaplin was incredibly wealthy.
Chaplin was a legendary icon.
Chaplin his wife left their country and moved to Switzerland.
They had eight children.
They got married early (where Chaplin was likely her first intimate encounter)


Now let's analyze this properly. What would have to happen if my 18 year old daughter married a 54 year old man to work?

Most likely all of the above with Chaplin. And let's not act like Chaplin didn't have a history of going after young girls.....


Your whole premise is based on an utterly faulty presumption. Romantic relationships are not always about living together. The possibility of living together. Etc. Or even usually about that. That's utterly false. Romantic relationships are about many other things.
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PostPosted: Wed Apr 10, 2013 10:43 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

x0x wrote:
More than likely a man will take advantage of my daughter in one way or another at some point. Why not Michael Jordan? (again, hypothetical as he's 50 now).


...and the FF.com "Father of the Year" goes to...
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PostPosted: Wed Apr 10, 2013 10:47 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

x0x wrote:
iPwn wrote:
Take advantage of my daughter, just make sure you give her money!

You're cool with that, but you judge other people's choices as to why to be together as wrong simply based on age?

Yeah, I'm done here. Have a good one, comrade.






More than likely a man will take advantage of my daughter in one way or another at some point. Why not Michael Jordan? (again, hypothetical as he's 50 now).


Are you sure it's yours?
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